Sheva Brachot (Part 7)
A husband and wife are one soul, separated only through their descent to this world. When they are married, they are reunited again.
Zohar HaKadosh
The fifth of the Sheva Brachot is: Bring intense joy and exultation to the barren one through the ingathering of her children amidst her in gladness. Blessed are you, Hashem, Who gladdens Tzion through her children.
Rashi (Ketubot 8a) clarifies that the “barren one” here refers to Yerushalayim. What is the connection between Yerushalayim and a wedding? Rashi explains that it is exactly at our most joyous moments that we must remember that Yerushalayim has not yet merited to return to its former glory. Just as King David so poignantly expresses (Tehillim 137:5-6), “If I forget you, O Yerushalayim, let my right hand forget [its skill]. Let my tongue stick to my palate if I fail to remember you, if I fail to elevate Yerushalayim above my foremost joy.”
The Meiri adds that this blessing is recited now because the next blessing is the first one that mentions the Chattan and the Kallah directly; the prophet Yeshayah likens the joy of a newly married couple to the joy that will be Yerushalayim’s with the advent of the Messianic Era (62:5).
And that explains why the first two words of our blessing – “sos tasis” – are essentially the same. In Lashon HaKodesh when words are repeated one after the other it is always for emphasis. We say “sos tasis” because we are blessing both Yerushalayim and the Chattan and the Kallah that their joy and happiness be intense and never-ending.
Yerushalayim is such a fundamental dimension of our national identity that Rabbi Akiva told his wife that if he had the financial means to do so, he would buy her a “Yerushalayim dedahava” – an exquisite piece of jewelry made out of pure gold that depicted Yerushalayim (Nedarim 50a). In fact, the Gemara (Shabbat 59a) relates that later on, after they became wealthy, that is exactly what Rabbi Akiva did.
In the words of the Malbim, “Even if I rejoice in material success, Yerushalayim will be more important to me.”
It seems a bit incongruous that, having described Yerushalayim as the “barren one”, our blessing then goes on to mention the “ingathering of her children”? The Ba’alei HaMussar explain, however, that the language used is teaching the Chattan and Kallah a fundamental lesson:
As we learned together, the previous blessing introduces the concept that Adam and Chavah were originally one entity; they were created “whole”. Only after Hashem separated them, however, were they able to bring children into the world. And whilst “wholeness” may seem an ideal, in this imperfect world that we inhabit, we are actually only able to create and to be productive when we invest great effort into reaching our goals.
Our blessing is imparting to the Chattan and Kallah that in order for them to grow and to build they need to work hard. The wholeness that they had before their souls were brought down into this world is not something that they automatically regain when they marry. Rather, it is something that they will spend the rest of their lives together working on. They need to learn how to communicate effectively about everything, especially about emotive subjects; and, on occasion, to be able to not come to an agreement and yet retain their mutual respect and love for each other, and to continue living in harmony.
Not like this Chattan who is having his final, pre-marriage discussion with his Rabbi:
“Marriage has ups and downs; be aware that there will undoubtedly be challenging times ahead, and the more emotionally prepared you are, the easier it will be to navigate the difficult moments,” the Rabbi said.
“Oh, we won’t have any of those together!” declared the Chattan with an enormous sense of self-confidence.
“Why not?” asked his Rabbi.
“Because my Kallah has an MSc, a masters in communications! And I have a masters in theater!”
“Why do you think that that means that you won’t disagree with each other?” asked his Rabbi.
“Because,” answered the Chattan, “my Kallah is an expert communicator and I am an expert at acting as if I am listening!”
To be continued…
