Top 10 Reasons for Not Attending Synagogue on Shabbat
- I heard this Torah reading last year
- I was deeply offended by the Rabbi's racist comments about the Amalekite people
- I live in North Brunei
- "I am embarrassed by my name when called up to the Torah" - Heard from Boutros Boutros Ghalli
- My last hagbahah (lifting of the Torah) was disqualified by the Rabbi after my blood test came back with traces of anabolic steroids
- Nobody sang with me at Kiddush when I started a round of "Ten Thousand Bottles of Kedem Sitting on the Western Wall"
- The Rabbi is my father-in-law
- The Rebbitzin is my mother-in-law
- My stock broker is now attending services in a Federal Penitentiary
- I am a Gentile (Jewishly challenged - to be politically correct)
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