Awful Purim Jokes
Yankele: "Look at that bunch of cows!"
Moshele: "Not bunch, herd!"
Yankele: "Herd what?"
Moshele: "Of cows."
Yankele: "Heard of cows? Of course I've heard of cows!!"
Abba: "Shmuli, please can you have a look at the left turn signal on the car and tell me if it is working or not?"
Shmuli: "Of course I can, Abba. Yes ... no ... yes ... no ... yes ..."
Avraham: "Waiter, waiter! I'm in a hurry, will my Matzah be long?"
Waiter: "No sir, it will be square!!"
Chaim: "Doctor, doctor I think I'm shrinking!"
Doctor: "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient!!"
Shimon: "Rebbe, I've finished the exam."
Rebbe: "Good. Did the questions give you any trouble?"
Shimon: "No. But some of the answers did!!"
With today's rapid advance in technology, we thought it important to bring to our readers' attention some new engineering conversions:
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1bananosecond
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer: 1 lite-year
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line.
(think about it for a moment)
1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbird
Thanks to Charles Plost