Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say 'Tilt your pitcher so I may drink,' and who replies 'Drink and I will even water your camels,' her will You have designated for Your servant Yitzchak" (24:14)

A poor man once asked the Brisker Rav whether he could fulfill his obligation to drink four cups of wine on Pesach by drinking four cups of milk instead. The Brisker Rav told him to stick to wine, and instructed his wife to give the poor man a large sum of money from the communal tzedaka fund so that he could buy both wine and meat for the festival.

After the poor man had gone, the rebbetzin asked her husband why he had given him money to buy meat as well as wine. After all, the question had only been about the wine.

The Brisker Rav replied that if this man was intending to drink four cups of milk on the Seder Night, he certainly wasn't planning to eat meat either for lack of funds.

What distinguished Rivka's kindness was that she was able to understand not just what Eliezer said to her, but what his real needs were.

True kindness lies in understanding the needs of others even when they don't express them.

"And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah" (23:2)

Both parents were crying their eyes out.

"Rabbi - it's our son. He wants to marry a non-Jewish girl. We've never been that religious, but I always thought that he would at least marry someone Jewish."

More tears. Finally the rabbi said. "In Russia, during the reign of the Czar, it was forbidden to have alcohol without a license. To avoid the duty, some clever rogues decided to smuggle whisky from over the border. They came up with a ruse to fool the border guards.

The border ran through the middle of a particular Jewish shtetl (village). The graveyard happened to be on the Russian side of the border. Thus it was not uncommon for funerals to cross the border. The smugglers borrowed a hearse and a coffin, and filled it with Scotch whisky. As they approached the border, they assumed long faces and the dark demeanor of those whose profession is escorting the dead to their rest. So convincing was their acting that the guards let them pass without a second look.

Emboldened by their easy success, they decided to try it again. Again, they succeeded without a hitch. But now, they started to get over-confident. On the next trip, the guards pounced and discovered their haul.

They were led away in chains. Facing a capital offense, they started to cry bitter tears. The chief smuggler asked the guard: 'But how did you know that we weren't real?' Said the guard 'As you came towards the border post, you were all smiling and laughing. No one laughs at a funeral. If you'd cried then, you wouldn't be crying now!' "

"That, unfortunately," said the rabbi to the distraught parents," is the present situation. If you'd cried then, you wouldn't be crying now! You're twenty years too late. What do you expect me to do now?"

When Avraham came to eulogize Sarah, he focused on the Akeida - the binding of Yitzchak - as exemplifying Sarah's qualities. For Sarah had educated a son who was prepared to give up his very life to serve Hashem, and there can be no greater testimony to the qualities of a parent than the qualities of the child.

This should serve as a powerful reminder to parents that our children's spiritual aspirations are inevitably a reflection of our own. We cannot blame our children if they continue in the path that we have shown them.

"And the servant (Eliezer) said to him (Avraham): 'Perhaps the woman will not wish to follow me to this land; shall I take your son back to the land from which you departed?'" (24:5)

"Why can't I see G-d? Why don't I feel He's there? I really envy you being religious, but I just don't feel it!"

What makes a person feel close to G-d?

The eyes are the windows of the soul. If you want to "see" G-d in your life, you have to have clean windows. All the character flaws that a person has are like grime on those windows. Anger, jealousy, lust, status seeking, all smear the windows of the soul so that it cannot see.

The Midrash on this verse says "'And the servant said to him...' - this refers to the phrase 'A trader with scales of deceit in his hand, who loves to cheat.' The 'trader' is Eliezer, who sat and weighed - 'with scales of deceit in his hand' - whether his own daughter was fitting to be Yitzchak's wife or not.'" When Eliezer suggested the match, Avraham told him: "You are cursed, my son is blessed. The cursed cannot connect with the blessed."

What was so wrong with Eliezer considering his daughter as a marriage partner for Yitczhak, that the Midrash calls him "a trader with scales of deceit in his hand?" Eliezer didn't lie to, or cheat Avraham. He was merely wondering whether his daughter might be suitable. Which father would not at least consider if his daughter would be a worthy spouse for the world's most eligible bachelor, the father-to-be of the Jewish people?

Also, when Avraham rejected Eliezer's proposal, Eliezer accepted Avraham's decision with total equanimity.

It must be then that the mere fact that Eliezer had room to consider this possibility showed a minute trace of deceit. For if it were not so, he would have known without a second thought the truth - that the blessed and the cursed cannot combine.

This is the nature of deceit: A deceitful person deceives not only others, but himself as well.

The doubting heart, its inability to recognize the truth, comes from our own defects. They deceive us and lie about the truth of existence.

If we will only clear the windows of our soul, our eyes will see the truth shining like a beacon.

"Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say 'Tilt your pitcher so I may drink, and who replies Drink and I will even water your camels,' her will You have designated for Your servant Yitzchak. (24:14)

In his prayer that he should select the correct wife for Yitzchak, Eliezer chose to rely on the prospective spouse showing only one character trait - kindness.

How could Eliezer rely on kindness alone? Surely a wife to be fit for Yitzchak would also need to be outstanding in other areas of character perfection. For example, purity of heart, faith and fear of Hashem.

In the Ethics of the Fathers, Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai says to his disciples, "Go out and see which is the good way to which a man should cling."

Rabbi Eliezer says "A good eye." Rabbi Yehoshua says "A good friend." Rabbi Yossi says "A good neighbor." Rabbi Shimon says "One who foresees the results of an action." Rabbi Elazar says "A good heart."

Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai then says to them, "I prefer the words of Elazar ben Arach to your words, because your words are included in his words." A good heart includes all other good characteristics.

Avraham Avinu was the first of the Avos. As he was the father of Yitzchak and the grandfather of Yaakov, he "contained" the other two patriarchs. Avraham's most outstanding quality was chesed, kindness. Kindness contains the other qualities.

The Chafetz Chaim once wrote to a rich man that he was obliged to make a clear will dividing his property between his sons as we find in this week's Haftorah. If the prophet Nassan admonished King David to leave clear instructions regarding his succession, certainly this rich man was obliged to do so. We do not find that David was annoyed at Nassan for reminding him of his mortality; rather he took steps to rectify a difficult situation. As the Chafetz Chaim wrote: "Children are known to disobey their parents and quarrel amongst themselves even during their parents' lifetime, how much more so after their death!"

Sources:

• The Eyes Of Truth - Chidushei Halev
• Who's Sorry Now? - HaDrash V'HaIyun, Rabbi Shalom Schwadron, Rabbi Pesach Krohn
• A Good Heart - Avos 2:9, Rabbi M. Robman in Zichron Meir, Lekach Tov
• The Will To Divide - Adapted from The Midrash Says