The Jewish Wedding Ceremony
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shidduch
The very first stage of a traditional Jewish marriage, is the
shidduch, or matchmaking. This means that the process of
finding a partner is not haphazard or based on purely external
aspects. Rather, a close friend or relative of the young man or
woman, who knows someone that they feel may be a compatible partner,
suggests that they meet. The purpose of the meeting is for the
prospective bride and groom to determine if they are indeed compatible.
The meetings usually focus on discussion of issues important to
marriage as well as casual conversation. The Talmud states that
the couple must also be physically attractive to each other, something
that can only be determined by meeting. According to Jewish law
physical contact is not allowed between a man and a woman until
they are married (except for certain close relatives), and also
they may not be alone together in a closed room or secluded area.
This helps to ensure that one's choice of partner will be based
on the intellect and emotion as opposed to physical desire alone.
vort - engagement
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ketuvah
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bedekin
After the signing of the ketuvah, which is usually accompanied
by some light snacks and some hard liquor for the traditional
lechaims (the Jewish salute when drinking, which means,
"to life!"), the groom does the bedekin, or "veiling."
The groom, together with his father and future father-in-law,
is accompanied by musicians and the male guests to the room where
the bride is receiving her guests. She sits, like a queen, on
a throne-like chair surrounded by her family and friends. The
groom, who has not seen her for a week (an eternity for a young
couple!), covers her face with her veil. This ceremony is mainly
for the legal purpose of the groom identifying the bride before
the wedding.
chuppah
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When the bride arrives at the chuppah she circles the groom seven times with her mother and future mother-in-law, while the groom continues to pray. This symbolizes the idea of the woman being a protective, surrounding light of the household, that illuminates it with understanding and love from within and protects it from harm from the outside. The number seven parallels the seven days of creation, and symbolizes the fact that the bride and groom are about to create their own "new world" together.
Under the chuppah, an honored Rabbi or family member then recites
a blessing over wine, and a blessing that praises and thanks G-d
for giving us laws of sanctity and morality to preserve the sanctity
of family life and of the Jewish people. The bride and groom then
drink from the wine. The blessings are recited over wine, since
wine is symbolic of life: it begins as grape-juice, goes through
fermentation, during which it is sour, but in the end turns into
a superior product that brings joy, and has a wonderful taste.
The full cup of wine also symbolizes the overflowing of Divine
blessing, as in the verse in Psalms, "My cup runneth over."
kiddushin
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sheva brachos
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At this point the couple again share in drinking the cup of wine,
and the groom breaks a glass by stamping on it. This custom dates
back to Talmudic times, and symbolizes the idea of our keeping
Jerusalem and Israel in our minds even at times of our joy. Just
as the Temple in Jerusalem is destroyed, so we break a utensil
to show our identification with the sorrow of Jewish exile. The
verse, "If I forget thee O' Jerusalem, let my right hand
forget its cunning: If I do not raise thee over my own joy, let
my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth", is sometimes recited
at this point. With the breaking of the glass the band plays,
and the guests usually break out into dancing and cries of "Mazaltov!
Mazaltov!" (Some say, tongue in cheek, that this moment
symbolizes the last time the groom gets to "put his foot
down")
cheder yichud
Now that the couple are married they are accompanied by dancing
guests to the cheder yichud, "the room of privacy."
They may now be alone in a closed room together, an intimacy reserved
only for a married couple. In fact, according to many Jewish legal
authorities, the very fact that they are alone together in a locked
room, is a requirement of the legal act of marriage, and hence
their entry into the room must be observed by the two witnesses
of the marriage.
While the bride and
groom are alone together (usually eating, after having fasted all day) the guests
sit down to eat a festive meal. The meal is preceded by ritual washing of the
hands, and the blessing over bread. At some point, the band announces the arrival "for
the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. _____!!!" and everyone joins in dancing
around the bride and groom. The dancing, in accordance with Jewish law requires
a separation between men and women for reasons of modesty, and hence there is
a mechitzah, or partition between the men and women. The main focus of
the dancing is to entertain and enhance the joy of the newlyweds, hence large
circles are formed around the "king and queen," and different guests
often perform in front of the seated couple. It is not unusual to see jugglers,
fire eaters, and acrobats at a wedding (most of whom are guests, not professionals!)
The meal ends with the Birchas Hamazon, Grace After Meals, and again the
seven blessings are recited over wine, shared afterwards by the bride and groom.