Ethics

For the week ending 10 May 2008 / 5 Iyyar 5768

The Invitation Dilemma

by Rabbi Mendel Weinbach zt'l
The Color of HeavenArtscroll

Question: I am about to arrange a wedding for my daughter and am faced with the dilemma of deciding on how many people to invite. What is the right thing to do?

Answer: Your dilemma is shared by anyone who begins making a long list of relatives, neighbors, friends and business associates. Some people try to solve the problem by sending invitations to everyone on the list but limiting the number of those who are invited to the dinner so that the others understand that they are only welcome to the reception and the chupah.

Perhaps an even better idea is to give serious consideration as to who should really be on your list. Keep in mind that many of your invitation receivers view attending your simcha as a great inconvenience because they don't feel that your casual or antiquated relationship with them justifies the effort they must make only to avoid hurting your feelings. A careful scrutiny of your initial list will enable you to substantially reduce the number of invitations and cut down the number of impositions you are making on people's time. In this way your personal simcha will extend to the simcha of all the invited and uninvited.

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